My lair, where most of the work gets done. That's a Highlander mug, on the left. Please excuse the poor lighting, and the consequent high-angle shot.

I had an eerie experience this morning. I woke up around 5:30am. I do that a lot; I’m a morning person. I looked around me.

I had nothing to do.

Oh, wait – I had a ton of stuff to do. I mean, I had outstanding work, a bunch of people to email, and a whole handful of admin and other chores.

I mean to say, I nothing book-related to do. That’s how I usually spend my mornings when I wake up stupidly early.

I finished the first draft of The New Book about 2 weeks ago. Since then, I’ve poured an immense amount of hours into editing and redrafting the thing. Now the second draft is done. A few friends are test-reading it for me. Until they’re done, I just have to wait. Feels downright screwy. This morning, I just tootled about on the internet, instead of working. Downloaded some old Pearl Jam bootlegs from gremmie.net (man alive, I love that site).

I’m getting used to redrafting something as big as a book, now. I’m settling into habits that seem to work for me.

Habit 1: Print the thing out. It’s too easy to skim-read off a computer screen, and that’s when you miss something important.

Habit 2: Read well, but also read quickly. If you do that, so the whole thing is fresh in your mind, you’ll pick up on repetition and continuity bloopers that might otherwise slip past you.

Habit 3: Always spellcheck, even when you think you’re sure there are no typos.

And, something I did for the first time when redrafting this book – create a style guide. The English language has a whole slew of grey areas, where there’s no single ‘correct’ way to write a word (‘no one’ or no-one’?). Newspapers and magazines and other big publications that employ a variety of authors usually have internal style guides. You can too. Pay attention to the words you keep looking up, and put them in. You’ll ultimately save yourself a lot of time, this way. Section A – H of my style guide for this book – and I intend to carry on expanding this list – looked something like this: –

All but (impossible) – no hyphen

All-round (benefits) – hyphenated if before noun

Aperitifs – exists in English, no accent, no italics

Baccalauréat – italics

Cutthroat – no hyphen

Defence – with ‘c’ (British English)

Directionless – exists

En route – no italics

Enrol – only one ‘l’ (UK spelling), also, ‘enrolled’

Euro – no capital (euro, plural euros)

Flute (of champagne) – no accent, no italics

Foie gras – italics

Fiery – comparative ‘more fiery’ or ‘fierier’

Flat-out (lying) – hyphenated

Ghostwrite – one word

God-awful – hyphenated

Halfhearted – no hyphen

Headfirst – one word

Homeschooling – no hyphen

Have a good day, y’all. Going to listen to my downloaded tracks, do a little admin, and maybe finish off one or two bits that have been sitting on my hard drive for far too long.

So, it turns out New Zealand has some fucking awesome bookshops. I bought a few books for myself; it being Christmas, I received a few as gifts, too.

And there was one book I really wanted to buy. But it was pricey, and I couldn’t argue myself into doing it. This was the book: –

Vitalogy

Vitalogy. If you recognise it, then you’re probably a fan of 90s-era Seattle rock too. It’s a very old-fashioned book about health, ailments, mental disease and so on. It’s also the book that inspired title and artwork of Pearl Jam’s third album. When my mum found that CD in my collection, she thought it was, in her words ‘a spell book’. Fun times frightening parents.

I didn’t get it. It was 125 dollars – about 60-odd pounds sterling. For a book I’ll never really read, that’ll essentially end up as little more than a bit of rock’n'roll memorabilia, that’s a hell of a price. Sigh. Maybe next time.

Books I did buy: –

Yes, those are my slippers, bottom left.

A gamebook based in Roger Zelazny’s Amber setting. I cannot explain how fucking excited I am about reading this.

Morkeleb (black dragon) and Zyerne (foxy witch)

 Reading Game of Thrones has put me in a mood for a little fantasy literature. I first read Dragonsbane when I was maybe thirteen or fourteen years old. Enjoyed it then; enjoying it now.

All fear the Dark Lord

Not living in an English-speaking country, I was happy to be able to pick up a copy of Dark Lord: The Teenage Years. Dirk Lloyd’s alter-ego Jamie Thomson has co-written such works of brilliance as the Falcon and Way of the Tiger gamebooks; Dirk Lloyd himself has been gracious enough to accept me as a Facebook friend. So I owe him. Or possibly fear him.

Note the wear and tear down the right-hand side of this book that I’ve never yet read. I think I hold the speed record for water-damaging a copy of the Dark Lord book (it was a wet day in Auckland, when I bought that book).

Best of all, ongoing jet-lag is still keeping me up all night, so I have a bunch of time to read all this stuff. 

]]> http://pwgresty.wordpress.com/2012/01/05/three-books-i-bought-one-book-i-didnt/feed/ 0 pwgresty Vitalogy Seven No-Trump Dragonsbane Dirk Lloyd http://pwgresty.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/byesie-daisies-2011/ http://pwgresty.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/byesie-daisies-2011/#comments Fri, 16 Dec 2011 07:21:45 +0000 PW Gresty http://pwgresty.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/byesie-daisies-2011/ ]]> Yes. I’ve been neglecting my blog. This is why.

The 80,000-word book I planned to write (we’ll call it ‘Project 2′ for now) has so far crept up to around 98,000 words. I’d hoped to get a first draft done by Christmas. That won’t happen, now – although the finish line is in sight, I’ll say. By mid-January, I should be able to start pestering people to read the damn thing, and read it quickly, for me.

Chunking through word count eats up a lot of time, it turns out. Hence, no blogging. Or, for instance, seeing friends, getting drunk. We make sacrifices for our art. Sigh.

But hey, nearly 100,000 words written in around 7 months. While holding down a full-time job. And taking a lengthy holiday. Go, me.

I can only speak for myself, but 2012 looks to be an interesting one, for several reasons.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS, FOLKS. HO, HO, HO. 

The proposal wasn’t used. And for good reasons – it was far too long for the space available; it was overly complex for the rather entry-level target of the LW MPGB; it was too similar to the character class in the ‘classic’ RPG. Still, it’s a pity that this interpretation of the Brotherhood of the Crystal Star never got to see the light of day. I wrote it to be the kind of wizard I’d enjoy playing.

Click your way over to Le Grimoire’s website to take a look at the Lone Wolf material that did get published. Next time round, I’ll post my proposal for the Magician of Dessi class. And I’ll get back to chattering about some novels, as well.

Image taken from www.wacky-wizards.com

BROTHER OF THE CRYSTAL STAR

The procedure for determining a Brother of the Crystal Star’s initial Combat Skill and Endurance is identical the way a Kai Lord’s abilities are determined. Roll a d10 or pick a random number, and add the following values: –

Combat Skill: ( 0 – 9 ) +10

Endurance ( 0 – 9 ) + 20

EQUIPMENT

All characters of this class begin the game wearing Brotherhood robes – light blue flowing robes embroidered with white stars. In addition to a standard choice of equipment at the beginning of the game, all Brothers of the Crystal Star begin with a Crystal Star Pendant, a Special Item that hangs around their neck. A Brotherhood Wizard receives this upon learning his first spell, and it should not be given away except in extreme circumstances.

CHARACTER PROGRESSION

Brothers of the Crystal Star have, at the start of the game, mastered only five of the ten spells that the Magicians’ Guild call the ‘Brotherhood Spells’. Each time you cast one of these spells, you will be required to deduct a certain amount of points from your Endurance score. These spells are listed below.

For each adventure that you successfully complete, you may choose an additional Brotherhood Spell. Once you have mastered all the basic Brotherhood Spells, you may progress to magic of greater complexity, by studying the spell schools. These are also listed below.

A Brother of the Crystal Star progresses as follows: –

Number of adventures completed / Advantages gained

0 adventures completed / May choose five Brotherhood Spells

1 adventure completed / May choose a sixth Brotherhood Spell

2 adventures completed / May choose a seventh Brotherhood Spell

3 adventures completed / May choose an eighth Brotherhood Spell

4 adventures completed / May choose a ninth Brotherhood Spell

5 adventures completed / May choose a tenth Brotherhood Spell

6 adventures completed / May choose first Spell School

7 adventures completed / May choose a second Spell School

8 adventures completed / May choose a third Spell School

9 adventures completed / May choose a fourth Spell School, +4 to initial Endurance

10 adventures completed / May choose a fifth Spell School

11 adventures completed / May choose a sixth Spell School, cost of spellcasting reduced (see below)

12 adventures completed / May choose a seventh Spell School

13 adventures completed / May choose an eighth Spell School, additional +2 to initial Endurance, may create own spells (see below)

14 adventures completed / May choose a ninth Spell School

15 adventures completed / May choose a tenth Spell School, may choose one Word of Power

BROTHERHOOD SPELLS

The basic Brotherhood Spells are the following: –

- Lightning Hand: This spell enables you to cast a bolt of lightning simply by pointing a finger and concentrating upon the spell. This spell causes 1 – 10 Endurance damage to an opponent (choose a random number; ’0′ counts as ’10′). Cost: 3 Endurance

- Mind Charm: Casting this spell upon a person (or a creature) will cause that person to regard you as a trusted friend. It will not allow you to control the person, but anything you do or say will be looked on as friendly. Cost: 2 Endurance

- Invisible Shield: When this spell is cast, an invisible barrier will form as protection from missiles and enemies. It will not, however, protect you from magical attacks. Cost: 2 Endurance

- Net: This spell enables you to cast a web-like net of magical rope at a chosen target. It can be used to ensnare an enemy, or to enable you to climb high walls or obstacles with ease. Cost: 2 Endurance

- Vigour: Casting this spell will increase your Combat Skill by 3 points for the duration of one combat. It will also help in actions that require strength, such as lifting a heavy boulder or breaking down a door. It cannot be used if your Endurance points total is below 10. Cost: 3 Endurance

- Counterspell: This spell may be used to protect yourself, or another person or object of your choice, from a magical attack. When cast reflexively in response to an attacking spell, any damage from that spell is ignored. The cost in Endurance of the counterspell is the same as the Endurance or Willpower cost of the attacking spell – which may not always be known to the Brotherhood magician. If no Endurance or Willpower cost is apparent – if cast to disspell a magical trap, or a durational spell, for example – this spell costs 2 Endurance points.

- Levitation: This spell may be cast upon yourself, or upon another person or object, to cancel the effects of gravity, and thereby make the affected object rise into the air. The spell lasts no more than a few minutes. Cost: 2 Endurance

- Sense Evil: When this spell is cast it will enable you to detect the presence of evil in any creature or object in the vicinity. However, perils such as traps or naturally poisonous animals will not be detected through the use of this spell. Cost: 1 Endurance

- Mend: This spell can be used to repair damaged items or to restore lost Endurance points. In order for the spell to work, both the caster and target must be standing in fresh running water, such as a river or stream, when the spell is cast (the caster may use this spell on himself). Using the spell will restore 5 Endurance points. A character may only benefit from a casting of this spell once per hour. This spell also replenishes the energy needed to cast it. It therefore has an effective cost of 0 Endurance.

- Silence: Casting this spell will muffle the sound of any movement that you make for several minutes. Cost: 1 Endurance

SPELL SCHOOLS

The ten basic Brotherhood Spells are only the first step of a Brotherhood wizard’s power. When a Brother of the Crystal Star has learned all of the basic Brotherhood Spells, his mastery of magic becomes sufficient to now choose, after each successfully completed adventure, a grouping of spells based around a common core or function. There are ten such magical schools: –

- Energy: This school encompasses spells of lightning and raw electrical power. When this school is chosen, a Brother of the Crystal Star may cast the Lightning Bolt spell, which causes its target to lose 2 – 20 Endurance points (pick two numbers and add them together, ’0′s count as ’10′). Cost: 4 Endurance

- Dominion: This school offers Brotherhood wizards the power of suggestion and mental control. Upon choosing this school, a wizard gains the Sleep spell. This may be cast on any human or human-sized opponent. The wizard picks a random number; if he picks 0 – 6 the spell takes effect. The target falls into an enchanted sleep for one round (long enough, say, to collapse to the floor) and thereafter remains in a natural sleep. He may still be woken normally. This spell has no effect on targets with more than 25 initial Endurance. Cost: 2 Endurance

- Force: This school deals with the transformation of magical energy into physical or quasi-physical matter. A wizard who chooses this school may cast Bulwark of Force. This spell causes a almost-transparent disc the size of a shield to appear, and move to defend the caster. It lasts for ten minutes and, during that time, a Brotherhood Wizard may subtract 3 Endurance from any physical damage he receives in combat (the first 3 Endurance points of any damage he takes are ignored). Note that this spell offers no protection against magic. Cost: 2 Endurance

- Entrapment: This school deals with those spells that immobilise or subdue an opponent, rather than causing physical harm. Choosing this school allows a wizard to cast Entangle. This spell fires a ball of gluey strands at one target, which explode outwards on contact, ensnaring its victim. A victim entangled in this way must subtract 4 points from its Combat Skill until it is free. Each round, it may choose to fight, with its Combat Skill reduced, or it may choose to try to free itself. In the latter case, it may not fight to defend itself (any damage it inflicts in combat is ignored) but it may, at the end of each round, pick a random number to determine if it has freed itself. If it picks 0 – 4, it has freed itself, and may fight as normal in the next round. If it picks 5 – 9, the spell effects continue. Cost: 3 Endurance

- Battle: Wizards who choose this school gain the ability to physically empower themselves, making them more formidable fighters in combat. A Brotherhood wizard with this school gains the Swordpact spell. When cast on a non-magical sword, short sword or broadsword this allows the wizard to add +4 CS with that weapon, and inflict an extra 2 Endurance damage each round. This spell lasts for ten rounds, and during this time the Brotherhood wizard may not cast any spells apart from Vigour, or any other spells in the Battle school. Also, while this spell is in effect upon a weapon the wizard may not put it down (it sticks to his hand, and other characters may not use it). Cost: 3 Endurance

- Meta-Magic: Rather than having any effect on the physical world, this school affects the functioning of magic itself. A Brotherhood wizard with this spell school gains control over how he casts his own magic, and may place limitations on the magic of other spellcasters. When he chooses this school, a wizard gains the Ensorcelled Globe spell. This spell lasts for ten minutes; while in effect, it protects the wizard from hostile magic. When attacked by any spell that causes Endurance damage, it allows the wizard to ignore the first 6 points (if attacked by a Lightning Bolt spell that would normally cause 10 Endurance points of damage, the Wizard takes only 4 points). If any spell that does not cause Endurance damage is cast at the Wizard, he picks a random number. If he picks 0 – 6, the spell has no effect. If he picks 7 – 9 the attacking spell works normally. Cost: 4 Endurance

- Conveyance: This school governs movement, whether the wizard’s or that of others. When he chooses this school, the wizard may cast Slow Fall. This spell may be cast reflexively, in an instant. When cast, it allows the wizard to reduce his (or another person’s, if cast on another target) rate of fall to three feet per second, avoiding any damage from falling while the spell is in effect. Cost: 1 Endurance

- Second Sight: This school concerns the magical acquisition of information and knowledge. When he chooses this school, a wizard can cast Evil’s Call. This gives the wizard an idea of any evil creatures or objects within 360 feet, in all directions. He also receives an approximate sense of distance, motion, and relative strength. It does not identify people or creatures, however. It lasts for one minute, when used, and may only be cast once per hour. Cost: 3 Endurance

- Restoration: This magical school deals with healing and reparation. When a wizard chooses this school, he can cast Restore. This spell is similar to Mend, with the same limitations and casting conditions (caster and targets must stand in fresh, running water; targets may not benefit from more than one casting of Restoration, or Restoration and Mend, in a one-hour period), save that it allows a wizard to restore 9 Endurance points with each casting. If cast on an object, it repairs and restores even completely smashed non-magical objects, so long as all pieces are brought together. It has no effect on magical objects. Like Mend, it has an effective cost of 0 Endurance.

- Discretion: Somewhat antithecal to the Second Sight school, this school concerns magical concealment and misrepresentation. A wizard who chooses this school gains the Invisibility spell. As its name implies, this spell allows the caster and his immediate clothes and possessions to turn invisible to normal sight. He may move as he wishes, but if he makes any attack or casts any spell (apart from Silence), this effect is immediately cancelled. Cost: 1 Endurance per minute

As a Brother of the Crystal Star gains experience, his knowledge of magic increases. After each successfully completed adventure, he may choose another spell school. In addition, he is able to learn more spells from each school.

After successfully completing 7 adventures a Brother of the Crystal Star may, if he possesses the appropriate spell schools, cast the following spells: –

- Dominion: Hallucination – The Brotherhood wizard may project the illusion of a single, man-sized being directly into a target’s mind. Only the target will see and hear this vision, which cannot cause physical damage. This spell lasts for five minutes. Cost: 2 Endurance

- Meta-Magic: Runic Trap – The Brotherhood wizard carves or inscribes a sorcerous rune onto any exposed surface (for example, a door, or a painting), and then casts a second spell into this rune. The rune will activate this spell when anybody except its original caster comes within 3 metres of it. Note that, though designed as a trap, the rune can as easily contain healing magic. A Brotherhood wizard may only have a maximum of three runes active at any time, though he can cancel the power of an existing rune whenever, and from wherever, he wishes. Cost: 2 Endurance, plus the cost of the spell to be contained

- Second Sight: Pierce Illusion – This allows a Brotherhood wizard to see through any illusion in the vicinity. This does not cancel the illusion, but allows the magician to easily perceive that it is not real. Only the Brotherhood wizard benefits from this spell. This spell also reveals invisible characters or monsters to the wizard’s eye. Cost: 2 Endurance

After successfully completing 8 adventures a Brother of the Crystal Star may, if he possesses the appropriate spell schools, cast the following spells: –

- Energy: Sparking Steel – When cast upon a non-magical bladed weapon, this spell wreathes it with lightning. The weapon’s wielder is immune to this effect; upon all other creatures it inflicts an additional 3 Endurance points of damage each round (so long as it inflicts damage; a result of 0 Endurance damage remains unchanged). While this spell is in effect, the weapon is considered magical, and is therefore capable of wounding creatures such as Helghasts. This spell lasts for 10 rounds. Cost: 3 Endurance

- Force: Protection from Fire and Frost – This spell encases its caster in smoky metallic plate armour. This does not encumber the Brotherhood wizard, and has no effect on his spellcasting ability. While in effect, this armour offers excellent protection from extremes of heat and cold. The magician may reduce the damage of any heat or cold attack (even magical attacks) by 10 Endurance. He may essentially even walk through a blaze and suffer only minor damage, at most. It offers partial protection against electrical attacks (reduce any damage suffered by 5 Endurance), but only a little protection against physcial attacks (reduce damage by 1 Endurance). This spell lasts 10 rounds. Cost: 3 Endurance

- Conveyance: Halt Flight – This spell may be cast on any thrown weapon (not arrows or bullets), or on any flying creature up to the size of a Kraan. It simply freezes its target in midair for 1 to 10 combat rounds (pick a random number; ’0′ counts as ’10′). Any halted creatures are ‘stranded’ in the air until the spell ends, at which time halted creatures and objects continue with their velocity unaltered. Cost: 3 Endurance

- Discretion: Obscure – This spell fills any area up to 50 feet in diameter with thick, smoky blackness. Missile attacks are impossible in this darkness, and all melee attacks suffer a penalty of –6 CS (note that if both combattants are blinded, the combat ratio remains unchanged). The spell’s caster is less affected by this darkness. He can see 10 feet about himself normally; objects further away appear is if in heavy fog. Cost: 3 Endurance

After successfully completing 9 adventures a Brother of the Crystal Star may, if he possesses the appropriate spell schools, cast the following spells: –

- Entrapment: Hold Monster – This spell paralyses one non-humanoid monster for 2 combat rounds. It may be attacked normally, but may not inflict damage in these rounds. As soon as the ‘monster’ takes any Endurance damage, the spell ends. Cost: 3 Endurance

- Battle: Monstrous Transformation – A Brother of the Crystal Star who casts this spell may transform himself into any humanoid creature (within certain limits of mass – the chosen monster must be within 50% – 200% of the caster’s mass, approximately). His Endurance score doesn’t change, but his Combat Skill becomes that of his new form (up to a maximum of 150% of his normal Combat Skill). Note that the caster gains the physical, but not the magical abilities of his new form – if he transformed himself into a Helghast, he would gain the creature’s great strength, but he would still be vulnerable to normal weapons, and could not change his face or burn with his touch. Also note that the caster becomes a fairly generic example of his chosen species, and may not imitate specific people or creatures with this spell. If the chosen creature has hands and fingers, and a roughly human voice, the caster may continue to use his magic while transformed. This spell lasts for ten minutes. Cost: 4 Endurance

- Restoration: Remove Toxin – The caster may immediately cancel the effects of any poison or venom acting upon a target. If the target has already taken damage due to this poison, this spell restores up to 4 Endurance. Note that, unlike less complicated Restoration spells, it is not necessary to stand in running water to cast this spell. Cost: 2 Endurance

After successfully completing 10 adventures a Brother of the Crystal Star may, if he possesses the appropriate spell schools, cast the following spells: –

- Meta-Magic: Sorcerous Chains – This spell impedes an enemy magician’s spellcasting ability. When cast, its target must pick a random number, adding 1 for every 10 initial Endurance points he possesses (a target with 37 Endurance, for example, would add 3 to the roll). If he manages to score 8 or above with this modified roll, the spell has no effect. Otherwise, it takes effect. Thereafter, the spell’s target must spend double the normal Endurance or Willpower required to cast any spell. Also, for each spell he casts, the ‘chained’ magician must pick a number; if he picks 0 – 2 the spell simply doesn’t work (though any Endurance or Willpower must still be paid). Note that the cost to counterspell a ‘chained’ magician’s magic is the normal, undoubled, cost of the spell. This spell lasts for ten combat rounds. Cost: 4 Endurance

- Conveyance: Windwalker – This spell simply allows the Brotherhood wizard to fly, at his normal running speed. Cost: 1 Endurance per minute

- Second Sight: Reveal Environs – When cast, this spell creates a miniature, semi-transparent three-dimensional representation of the caster’s surrounding area. Its area of effect is large enough to encompass a large fortress, or equivalent, but not enough to detal, for example a town or city. The image, which is about the size of a large desktop, lasts for only a few minutes. Cost: 2 Endurance

After successfully completing 11 adventures a Brother of the Crystal Star may, if he possesses the appropriate spell schools, cast the following spells: –

- Energy: Sheet Lightning – Like the Brotherhood spell ‘Lightning Hand’, this spell inflicts 1 – 10 Endurance electrical damage. However, it affects all enemies in the nearby combat zone (roll damage separately for each). Cost: 6 Endurance

- Restoration: Cure Disease – As the name suggests, this spell cures any illness or disease in the target. Some especially potent diseases may prove resistant to this spell. Like Remove Toxin, it is not necessary to stand in running water to cast Cure Disease; unlike Remove Toxin, this spell restores no Endurance lost due to disease. Cost: 4 Endurance

- Discretion: Many Faces – This spell allows a Brotherhood wizard to impersonate specific individuals. The caster must know, or must have closely observed, the person he wishes to impersonate. When cast, this spell causes the caster to appear and sound exactly like one specific person; only small details such as mannerisms are not reproduced. This spell does not change the caster’s clothing. This spell lasts for one hour, but may be extended by spending further Endurance at the end of each hour. Cost: 4 Endurance per hour

After successfully completing 12 adventures a Brother of the Crystal Star may, if he possesses the appropriate spell schools, cast the following spells: –

- Dominion: Armistice – This spell immediately causes any hostile creatures in the vicinity to cease attacking the caster and his allies. They may take no aggressive or obstructive action during this time, including chasing the caster if he chooses to flee. The spell lasts for 5 – 14 combat rounds (the Gamesmaster secretly picks a random number and adds 5). This does not create any positive feeling towards the caster, but rather creates a sort of ‘mental block’. Note that if the caster or his allies attack any creatures affected by this spell, its effect is cancelled and all creatures may attack in return. Also note that this spell has no effect on creatures with a Willpower score, any Brother of the Crystal Star, or any creature with more than 35 initial Endurance. Cost: 5 Endurance

- Force: Shield Wall – Similar to Bulwark of Force, this spell creates several almost-transparent overlapping discs appear around the caster, and move to defend him. While this spell is in effect, he may subtract 6 from any physical damage he takes, and from any magical attack that does Endurance damage. Note that a Brotherhood wizard may not receive protection from Shield Wall and Bulwark of Force at the same time. This spell lasts for ten rounds. Cost: 5 Endurance

- Battle: Wrath of War – This spell transforms its caster into a veritable battlefield juggernaut. Though outwardly unchanged, he receives +10 CS, and gains a ‘buffer’ of 15 effective Endurance points – if wounded, points are deducted from this buffer until all 15 points are gone, and only then does the wizard begin to take damage. This buffer cannot be healed or repaired, and the cost of this spell is deducted from the wizard’s true Endurance score. This skill also endows the wizard with speed and agility; he receives bonuses to any athletic action, such as climbing. This spell is not cumulative with Vigour, or any other spell from the Battle school, and while it is in effect, the magician may not cast any other spell. This spell lasts for ten minutes, but is thereafter unusable until 24 hours have passed. Cost: 7 Endurance

After successfully completing 13 adventures a Brother of the Crystal Star may, if he possesses the appropriate spell schools, cast the following spells: –

- Entrapment: Petrification – This spell transforms its target, and any clothing and possessions he is carrying, into stone. Creatures with Willpower, and creatures with an initial Endurance score of 35 or more, are immune to this spell. All other creatures must pick a random number, adding 1 for every 10 Combat Skill and every 10 Endurance they possess. For example, a typical Gourgaz – Combat Skill 22, Endurance 30 – would add +5 to this roll. Any creature that manages to roll 9 or more suffers no effect from this spell. Others are transformed to durable stone. This spell is effectively permanent – though, given that this spell costs 7 Endurance points to cast, a counterspell costing 7 Endurance could reverse it. Cost: 7 Endurance

- Meta-Magic: Obliterate Spells – This spell effectively ‘destroys’ all magic within a zone of approximately 50 feet diameter, centred on the caster. Any durational spells – Shield Wall, Sorcerous Chains, or even Petrification, for example – immediately end. Furthermore, it becomes impossible to cast any magic in this area for ten rounds after this spell is cast. The Brotherhood wizard who casts this spell is, like everybody else, unable to use his magic in this zone until the spell ends. Note that permanently enchanted items, such as magic weapons, are unaffected by this spell. Potions and other ‘charged’ items are not destroyed, but offer no benefit if used while this spell is active – a magician who drinks a Potion of Laumspur immediately after casting this spell would recover no Endurance points. If he waited until this spell were finished, however, he would benefit from the potion normally. Cost: 8 Endurance

- Second Sight: Vile Naming – Like Evil’s Call, this spell gives its caster a sense of the direction and power, as well as a sense of movement and direction of all evil beings and objects surrounding the caster, within a radius of half a mile, in all directions. However, Vile Naming also reveals the exact species of each being, as well as – for more powerful creatures – their most common name. Evil objects are also identified – as well as their name, if relevant, the caster also gains a sense of the nature and relative strength of their power. The Dagger of Vashna, for example, might be a ‘very powerful, and very old’ artefact, the power of which is ‘destructive, and poisonous’ in nature. Cost: 5 Endurance

- Discretion: Ghostly Footfalls – This turns the Brotherhood wizard intangible, allowing him to pass through walls. In addition, he becomes immune to physical attacks, and any magical attacks that inflict Endurance damage (spells such as Sorcerous Chains, which do not directly inflict Endurance damage, remain unaffected – though note that a magician using Ghostly Footfalls gains immunity to Petrification, as it specifically attacks its target’s flesh). A magician using this spell can move about silently, but may not cast any spells while Ghostly Footfalls is in effect. His feet retain the faintest trace of tangibility, he can walk, and climb stairs, normally. The spell’s duration is not clear when cast – at the end of each combat round, the caster should pick a number; if he chooses ’0′, the spell ends. If the spell ends while the magician is inside a solid object, he immediately dies. Of course, the caster is free to end the spell sooner than the random number would indicate if he wishes. Cost: 7 Endurance

After successfully completing 14 adventures a Brother of the Crystal Star may, if he possesses the appropriate spell schools, cast the following spells: –

- Energy: Arcstorm – This spell acts much like Sheet Lightning, though it inflicts 4 – 22 Endurance damage on all enemies in the vicinity (2 – 20 Endurance +2, roll separately for each enemy). Cost: 7 Endurance

- Force: Bar the Way – This spell creates a hemisphere of semi-transparent force with the caster at its centre, approximately 20 feet in diameter. This dome is absolutely impervious in both directions, though magic that does not cause Endurance damage may pass through it. It lasts a maximum of three minutes, unless its caster cancels it first. Cost: 6 Endurance

- Conveyance: Teleportation – Using this spell, the Brotherhood wizard may instantly teleport himself and his companions to any point he can see. Cost: 4 Endurance, +3 Endurance per additional person

- Restoration: Greater Restore – This spell immediately restores 12 Endurance points to one person. Unlike Restore, no running water is necessary to cast this spell. A character may only benefit from a casting of Mend, Restore or Greater Restore once per hour; if more than one spell from this group is cast within one hour, or if one spell is cast multiple times, the second and subsequent spells have no effect. The Brotherhood magician may cast this spell on himself; if so, the cost of casting it is applied after the spell takes effect. Cost: 4 Endurance

After successfully completing 15 adventures a Brother of the Crystal Star may, if he possesses the appropriate spell schools, cast the following spells: –

- Dominion: Lasting Charm – When cast, this spell causes its target to feel unshakeable trust and friendship towards the caster. No action on the caster’s part is sufficient to break this feeling, even if he directly attacks the target (the target will simply fight defensively, or try to flee). The caster cannot control the target, but the target will be inclined to help him, share secrets and even fight to defend him. This spell is only usable on human or near-human targets (such as Giaks or Dwarves), and does not affect any character with an initial Endurance of 45 or more. Similarly, this power has a reduced effect on characters with strong mental defences (such as a Kai Lord’s Psi-Shield). When cast, this spell lasts for a year and a day – however, the caster may only have a maximum of three Lasting Charms in effect at any one time. If he casts a fourth such spell, the first wears off, and its target feels as he normally would towards the Brotherhood magician. Cost: 7 Endurance

- Entrapment: Temporal Twisting – This spell effectively freezes its target within a single split-second in time. When cast, its target picks a random number, adding 1 for every 10 initial Endurance points or every 10 Willpower points he possesses (therefore, a Magician of Dessi with Willpower 21 and Endurance 29 would add +4 to his roll). If he manages to pick 9 or above, he resists the spell. If not, it takes effect. Note that targets with an initial Endurance of 45 or more are automatically immune to this spell. If affected, the target is completely paralysed. He is unable to perceive the passage of time because, for him, time has ceased to run. The positive side of this is that nobody else can affect the target in any way – they cannot harm him, nor even remove items from his possession (a target’s clothing and equipment is also frozen in time). The effects of this spell last until dispelled with an 8-Endurance counterspell. Also note that, even if a character spends years or decades trapped within a Temporal Twisting, when released it will seem to him as if only a moment has passed. Cost: 8 Endurance

- Battle: Battlemaster – An advanced form of Wrath of War, this spell adds +12 Combat Skill and gives the magician a ‘buffer’ of 25 effective Endurance points. Significantly, when this spell is in effect, a Brotherhood magician may cast spells from the Energy, Conveyance, Second Sight and Restoration schools. Like Wrath of War, this spell lasts 10 minutes and is thereafter unusable until 24 hours have passed. Cost: 8 Endurance

OTHER ABILITIES OF A BROTHER OF THE CRYSTAL STAR

As noted above, in addition to accessing higher level spells, Brothers of the Crystal Star gain certain other advantages when they have experienced many adventures. They receive the following benefits: –

As shown in the table above, after successfully completing 9 adventures, a Brother of the Crystal Star may +4 to his initial Endurance. This bonus is permanent.

After successfully completing 11 adventures, the cost of casting lower-level spells is reduced. All of the basic Brotherhood Spells, and all of the more elementary spells of the schools of magic, have their cost reduced by 1 Endurance. Note that this bonus does not affect Counterspell, or those spells that already cost only 1 Endurance point to cast. The spells that may be cast for 1 Endurance point less than the listed cost are: Lightning Hand, Mind Charm, Invisible Shield, Net, Vigour, Levitation, Lightning Bolt, Sleep, Bulwark of Force, Entangle, Swordpact, Ensorcelled Globe and Evil’s Call.

After completing 13 adventures, a Brother of the Crystal Star receives two benefits. Firstly, he receives an additional +2 permanent bonus to his initial Endurance score, which is cumulative with his earlier bonus. Secondly, he has now become sufficiently expert with magic to attempt to create his own spells. The creation of a new spell requires weeks or months of research, and always, always, requires approval by the Gamesmaster (disallow any ultimate-mega-kill-death spells). New spells should never, at this level of magical expertise, be more powerful than those available to a Brotherhood wizard who has mastered 3 spell schools (for example, any offensive spell should never be more powerful than Sheet Lightning). If possible, try to group spells according to the spell schools given above.

Example: Once he has completed 13 adventures, Banedon decides to create new magic of his own. After discussing the matter with the Gamesmaster, he decides to create the Breathe Water spell. He wonders if this could be included in the Battle school of spells – it is, after all, a physical metamorphosis, like Monstrous Transformation. But Breathe Water is not a combat spell. The Gamesmaster rules it is a Conveyance spell (for travel through water). As the spell is not especially powerful, he decides that, if Banedon wishes to spend a month engaged in intensive research in Toran – during which time he will be unable to go adventuring with his friends – he will give him the Breathe Water spell. This lasts ten minutes, and allows Banedon to breathe water as if it were air. Cost: 2 Endurance.

After 15 adventures, the Brother attains true magical mastery. He therefore learns to use one word of power. This is treated in all respects like a magical spell. He may choose one word from the list below: –

- Maelstrom (Energy): Once uttered in the open air, this power word takes 2 – 5 minutes to take effect, as electrical clouds gather in the sky above the Brotherhood wizard. Once these clouds have gathered, lightning rains down on the wizard’s enemies. For ten rounds, he may direct – without using any additional Endurance, and as a free action that doesn’t impede him acting elsewhere – one Lightning Bolt, or three Lightning Hands aimed at different targets. In addition, during these first ten rounds, he picks a number each round. If he picks 0, he may also attack his opponents with an Arcstorm. Note that, even on open battlefields, these additional spells may inflict damage on a maximum of 20 targets. After these initial ten rounds, the magician may no longer use his free Lightning Bolt or Lightning Hand actions, but should continue to pick a random number each round – if he picks ’0′, he may use Arcstorm; if he rolls ’9′, the spell ends. The storm will remain for several minutes after the spell ends, but thereafter has a largely dramatic effect, only. Note that all lightning attacks caused by this power word rain down from the sky – seeking cover, or retreating indoors, will give much protection. Cost: 11 Endurance

- Enslave(Dominion): This power word has the same limitations as Lasting Charm – it will not affect creatures with an Endurance of 45 or more, or creatures with strong psychic or magical defences, and a caster may only Enslave a maximum of three creatures (in addition to any creatures controlled by Lasting Charm). However, this power word gives absolute control over any creature – characters controlled in this way will kill even close friends, or commit suicide, if ordered to. Enslave has a duration of only 24 hours, but this may be extended by the expenditure of further Endurance at the end of this time. Cost: 9 Endurance per day

- Barrier (Force): This power word has an identical effect to Bar the Way, in that it creates an impenetrable hemisphere about the caster. It differs in that Barrier is impregnable to all magic, and in that a Brotherhood Magician can maintain the Barrier for as long as he wishes, so long as he continues to pay Endurance. Cost: 7 Endurance per hour

- Cage (Entrapment): With this power word, the caster immediately conjures angular crystalline enclosures around up to six opponents. Especially fast, or magically protected, opponents may be able to dodge the effects of this spell. The caster may thereafter converse with any such captives, but no magic or attacks can pass into or out of the crystalline enclosures. These prisons are themselves impervious to harm. The crystal prisons raise a few inches from the ground and, with a little pushing or pulling, the spell’s caster can transport his captives wherever he wishes. Cost: 7 Endurance per six hours, for all enclosures

- Howl (Battle): Howl has a similar effect to Battlemaster, except that it gives a bonus of +15 Combat Skill (non-cumulative with Vigour, or any of the other Battle spells). The power word provides a damage buffer of 20 effective Endurance points; these points regenerate at a rate of 2 per round while the spell is in effect, even if the buffer is completely destroyed. As with Battlemaster, the wizard may continue to cast spells from the Energy, Conveyance, Second Sight and Restoration schools, only. This power word lasts ten rounds, and is usable once per hour. Cost: 10 Endurance

- Conduit (Meta-Magic): With this power word, magic becomes a part of the Brotherhood wizard’s instinct. The round after this power word is uttered, the Brotherhood wizard is able to cast two spells per round without penalty, and each such spell is cast at 3 Endurance points less than its normal cost (to a minimum of 1 Endurance). Note that the magician may not cast Greater Restore while this spell is in effect. This spell lasts only six rounds, and is thereafter unusable until six hours have passed.

- Step (Conveyance): This power word allows the Brotherhood wizard and his companions to instantly teleport to anywhere within 200 miles of their current location. He must have previously visited this location, or must otherwise have an excellent idea of its location and appearance (maps and drawings will help). This power word will not transport people into the Darklands; not can it be used within that vile place. It may only be used once per 24-hour period. Cost: 8 Endurance, +3 Endurance per additional person

- Find (Second Sight): When this power word is uttered, the wizard must name or describe a person or object. He then learns its exact location, wherever it is in Magnamund. The effects of this power word last an hour, and the magician knows at all times any movement of his target. Note that this spell is ineffective if the magician’s target is in the Darklands, or on another plane – although he does at least learn that this is the case. Cost: 7 Endurance

- Purify (Restoration): When the wizard uses this power word on a target, it is immediately healed of all Endurance loss, any poison, disease or curse, and any Combat Skill lost due to injury. It essentially completely repairs the target, though it stops short of regenerating severed limbs or destroyed organs. A being may only benefit from this power word once in a 24-hour period. The magician may use this power word on himself; if so, its cost in Endurance is paid after it has taken effect. Cost: 8 Endurance

- Forget (Discretion): When used, this power word causes one target to forget that he has ever met the Brotherhood wizard. Any encounters with the wizard are removed from his memory; in cases where he has spent a great deal of time with the wizard, he may seem vague and absent-minded as he struggles to ‘fill in the gaps’. As with some of the spells in the Dominion school, characters with good psychic or magical defences, or characters with Willpower, may suffer lesser effects from this power word. Cost: 7 Endurance

]]> http://pwgresty.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/the-brother-that-never-was/feed/ 0 pwgresty wizard4 http://pwgresty.wordpress.com/2011/10/08/many-happy-returns/ http://pwgresty.wordpress.com/2011/10/08/many-happy-returns/#comments Sat, 08 Oct 2011 12:25:04 +0000 PW Gresty http://pwgresty.wordpress.com/?p=101 ]]> Many Happy Returns – A Scenario for Fabled Lands RPG

(At the time of posting, this scenario is relatively unplaytested. I’d be very curious to hear feedback – Paul)

The Fay Bazaar

Sections in normal type are for the Gamesmaster, only. Sections in italics can be read aloud as necessary, and may of course be modified to fit the needs of your characters.

Part 1: The Book, and the Library

The book is thick, heavy, bound in exotic yellow leather. A strap holds the book closed, with a metal clasp on which a gargoyle leers, its tongue sticking out. Try as you might, you cannot loosen the strap to open the tome. Annoyed, you attempt to cut through the strap – but you find you cannot. The gargoyle seems to laugh at you, as you regard the book once more, and when you hold it in a certain light, you could almost swear you saw a strange, glistening sheen pass across its surface.

The adventure begins with the discovery of a peculiar book. As this adventure is intended to be used as a ‘plug-in’ to any other adventure you are currently running, you have absolute freedom as to where this book might be found – atop a treasure hoard, for instance, or in a slain bandit’s backpack, or even seemingly abandoned in the middle of a road.

The book is quite difficult to open. It is indestructible, and no purely physical attempts to open the book will work. A Magic roll (difficulty 14), in order to attune a character to the book’s magic, should do it (characters who fail the roll may not try again for at least one day). If none of the characters is so magically inclined, perhaps they can hire the services of an NPC mage. It seems quite valuable, and should fetch a couple of hundred Shards even if the characters never manage to open it. There is no rush to open the book, of course – the characters may carry it around with them for weeks or months before finding a means of doing so.

If they do open it, the following occurs.

The book’s front cover seems to blast open, and it rips itself from your hands, a thick mist billowing from the pages. You try to grab for it, to close it, but it is already hidden from view. You try to escape from the mist, but it seems to be all around you.

Suddenly it clears, and you realise your surroundings have changed. You are standing in some sort of library. Huge black bookshelves, packed with tomes on subjects such as geography, history, linguistics and theology rise up either side of you, their tops high above your heads. Up further still, you see great windows and stars beyond – though you recognise none of the constellations there.

The yellow leather book you found lies on the floor before you, the last wisps of mist dissipating around it. You pick it up, and close it again, leaving its strap unfastened. Then you walk to the end of this row of stacks. There you find some sort of reception area – a wide space between the bookshelves, with a single desk at its centre. Some strange creature works at that desk – he looks like nothing so much as a half-man, half-lion. Amongst the bookshelves far behind him, three or four spectral figures seem to glance at you a moment, and then return to perusing the shelves, and disappear from view.

The half-lion yawns a moment, then looks up from the parchment before him, and notices you. He peers at you through little round spectacles, then says, in a purring voice. ‘Ah, you’ve brought back the Book of Limo Kaa. I’m afraid that tome’s a little overdue, now – a thousand years overdue, give or take. I’ll have to impose a fine of one human soul. Which of you can I take that from?’

The characters have reached The Library of the End of Days. It is essentially a repository of every book ever written, or any book that ever will be written (more information on the library in future scenarios). The half-lion creature is Remokoan, the head librarian. He considers the characters, as holders of the book, to be responsible for its fine – after all, the book’s original borrower has likely been dead for centuries.

The characters may decide to attack Remokoan. They can fight him, and may kill him (stats for Remokoan, and for other NPCs in the adventure, may be found at the end of the scenario). But while Remokoan remains within the library, he is essentially unkillable; characters may seem to kill and even dismembered, but as soon as the they take their eyes off him, he will come wandering from around a bookshelf, engrossed in some text, and will demand his fine as calmly as before (he is an even-tempered fellow, for a half-lion).

If the characters flee, they will quickly become lost within the library’s stacks. They will never find the exit – in truth, the library is an extra-dimensional construction; there is no exit, unless one is willed into existence by Remokoan, or other senior library personnel (who are also hard to find). At last, players will return to the reception area, and Remokoan will demand his fine once more.

The Book of Limo Kaa, incidentally, will not help the characters escape, either – the book itself, though it is now easy to open, will appear blank to the characters. It is the book’s inherent enchantment as part of this library that has brought them here, not any magic on the part of the book itself.

Remokoan is not an unreasonable being – he is willing to forego his fine if the characters can perform a service for him. They may suggest this idea themselves; if not, Remokoan will. He will say: –

‘I do have need of one service, in fact. Another of the books here – the Grimoire of Arcus Flounder – is also long overdue, and I’ve received indications that it’s borrower is in no hurry to return it. The being who took it was called Emile LeGros – a man-being, like yourselves. The book will have closed itself once it passed its return date. If you can get your hands on it, and if you reopen it – I’ll make sure it’s easy for you to do so – it will bring you back here. I have no interest in what you do to LeGros. Kill him, or don’t. Take his soul, if you like.’

‘Where can we find this man?’ you ask.

‘Oh, I think that for the last few years he’s been spotted around the Fay Bazaar. I’ll send you there now, if you like. I really must get back to my reading…’ And with that, the lion-man raises his hands, and a globe of light surrounds you.

REMOKOAN: Charisma 5; Combat 5; Intelligence 9; Magic 8; Muscle 5; Sanctity 3; Scouting 3; Thievery 3; Defence 9; Stamina 11

Special: While he remains within the Library of the End of Days, Remokoan is unkillable (see above)

Part 2: The Fay Bazaar

The light fades, and for a few moments you think it has blinded you. But you realise you are standing in gloom, your eyes slowly adjusting to the near-dark surrounding you. Blinking, you discover you are at the heart of a bustling marketplace – but what a marketplace! Looking around, you spot shadowy Trau pulling a cart full of some opaque green substance you’ve never seen before; a goblin plucks at a lyre and sings a love ballad in some ghastly forgotten tongue; a quartet of odd, almost cube-shaped creatures stand on top of one another, and pass by you in a swaying, drunken manner; a hunchbacked elf yanks on the chains of his slave, a woman with the body of a beautiful, but somewhat scaly woman, yet with a sackcloth over her head; a ratman spins a great round wheel covered in lit candles. You even spot a merman eyeing you oddly; he resides inside a great transparent sphere, near-filled with water, being rolled around by what might be a couple of living statues. As you breathe in the cavern’s warm air, you see all these and a hundred more wonders, dotted about tents and stalls and games and bonfires.

With some disconcertion, you realise that aside from yourselves, there are no humans anywhere.

The Fay Bazaar is precisely that – a market located in an immense subterranean cavern. There are two exits to this cavern, yet both are guarded by oversized Trau warriors wielding great shadowy halberds – they will refuse to let any humans past them. Of course, you may prefer that the characters can exit the cavern. If so, this marketplace can connect to the Trau tunnels elsewhere on Harkuna – though if the players leave before finding Emile LeGros, remember that Remokoan will still demand his fine sooner or later.

The characters will no doubt realise they will have to begin asking after the whereabouts of Emile LeGros (for more information on LeGros, see later in the scenario). In doing so, they may encounter: –

The Trau and the Spirrimeen

These four Trau are not overly fond of humans. Any sort of conversation will probably require a Charisma roll (difficulty 11). If successful, they will disclose they are pulling a cart full of an opaque green substance called Spirrimeen. This is the creation of an elven alchemist – he says that a Trau who covers himself in Spirrimeen will gain an immunity to the harmful effects of iron.

If a player has 100 Mithrals, or something that the Trau consider valuable (faery mead will suffice, though they may consider certain magic artefacts interesting as well), they may offer to sell a few fist-sized chunks of Spirrimeen. This rock crumbles easily, and is quite acidic (after being in contact with skin for a couple of minutes, it will cause one Stamina damage per minute, up to a maximum of six Stamina damage). It does not do what it is supposed to, however.

TRAU TRADERS: Charisma 3; Combat 5; Intelligence 5; Magic 6; Muscle 4; Scouting 4; Thievery 4; Defence 9; Stamina 10.

A Goblin Bard

Kleggug the goblin bard knows a great deal about the history of Harkuna, and will offer to improvise and sing a song dedicated to any of its wonders for only 20 Shards. He is not a good singer, however – his songs are so bad that they are inherently ‘impure’, and characters who hear him up close must make a Sanctity roll (difficulty 11) in order to avoid being tainted by his voice, and losing 1 point of Sanctity for an hour.

Kleggug is, however, an excellent source of information on the bazaar itself. If asked about specific creatures in the bazaar, he will generally tell players which are likely to be amicably disposed, and which may be dangerous.

KLEGGUG: Charisma 4; Combat 2; Intelligence 3; Magic 3; Muscle 2; Sanctity 1; Scouting 3; Thievery 4; Defence 8; Stamina 7.

Living Dice

The four cube-shaped creatures are called Gug, Gug, Gug and Gug (they insist that intonation makes all the difference). Each Gug is approximately cubic, has stubbly little arms and legs, tiny eyes, and a flat little mouth. They are not native to Harkuna, but have come from another point in the universe – they don’t really know how, and they’re in no great rush to return anyway. They make their living from games of chance – looking closer, each face of each Gug is painted with a number, from ’1′ to ’6′. The Gugs, standing on top of one another, will invite characters to whack them with a blunt object as hard as they can. ‘If we land with low numbers on our topside, you have to give us something. If we land with high numbers on our topside, we have to give you something. Also, you have to help all of us back onto our feet.’

If the characters agree, roll four dice. If you roll: –

- 4 or 5: The Gugs inflict you with a curse that reduces one of your Abilities (your choice as to which) by 2 until the end of this adventure.

- 6 to 8: You have to give the Gugs one magical or valuable item (Gamesmaster discretion). The Gugs choose which, by looking over the characters’ equipment.

- 9 to 12: The Gugs demand 150 Shards.

- 13: Missing die. The Gug you hit flies over the head of all the bystanders nearby. The other three Gugs scream ‘Missing man! Missing man! You have to help us find him!’ The Gug has likely hit one of the other residents of the bazaar (Gamesmaster discretion as to which).

- 14 to 18: The Gugs give the characters 100 Shards; this money seems to effervesce from nowhere (the Gugs don’t have pockets).

- 19 to 23: The Gugs give the characters a magic item that increases one Ability by +2 (roll another die: 1-2 Combat, +2 enchanted weapon; 3-4 Scouting, +2 Sextant, 5-6 Charisma, +2 enchanted flute; if the characters roll this result more than once, all items after the first are only +1)

- 23 or 24: You whack one of the Gugs so hard that he explodes. The other three Gugs run in different directions, screaming for the authorities. Now you’re in trouble.

The Gugs are well-known and well-liked at the bazaar. If the characters refuse to hand over money or equipment as demanded, things could go badly for them (see ‘Problems with the Authorities’).

After a maximum of four games, the Gugs declare they’re feeling too badly bruised to continue, and go on their way.

A Merman Inventor

Inside what seems to be a great glass ball approximately eight feet in diameter swims a merman, Skr’ii’iilk. The bazaar makes him thoroughly miserable. He has crafted two clay golems to aid him in his overland ambulation. If the characters do not specifically speak with him, he will likely seek them out to enlist their help at some point during their time in the bazaar.

Two hulking grey beings advance towards you. More incredibly still, they roll between them a great glass sphere, taller than a man and almost completely filled with brine – and in this sphere floats an aging merman. ‘By Valmir’s grace, I must be away from this infernal heat,’ he says, to nobody in particular, his voice sounding hollow and distant through the water and the glass. Then he spots you, and gives you a disdainful glare. ‘You there,’ he says, ‘you seem reasonably capable, for beings without fins. Perform a task for me, and I’ll see you well rewarded.’

Skr’ii’iilk has come to the Fay Bazaar in order to find a Glass-bladed Dagger. If the characters agree to search it out for him, he will give them, through a small hatch at the top of his ball, a flute shaped like a sea-horse. ‘Once you’ve found the dagger, swim into the waters off the south coast of Sokara, and blow this flute,’ he instructs. ‘I’ll come to you then, and give you your reward.’ And Skr’ii’iilk is true to his word; this may be an introduction into later adventures.

Once freed from this chore, he will open his hatch once more, and blow a silvery powder into the air all around him. Once this settles, it will seem to melt the ground around him; in an instant, the ground will swallow up Skr’ii’iilk, his ball and his golems, and then harden behind him.

Skr’ii’iilk’s ball is quite fragile. If damaged (by a flying Gug, perhaps), it will shatter, and Skr’ii’iilk will be immediately incapacitated. His golems will attack any who come near him, however – their statistics can be found on page 151 of the Fabled Lands Roleplaying Game.

A Hunchback and His Bride

The hunchbacked elf the characters noticed earlier is named Merrole. If the players begin to speak with him, his chained slave will cry out: –

Save me, please! This vile creature calls me his bride, but what being of right mind keeps their bride in chains? He is so fearful of others seeing my beauty that he has kept me covered up these last ten days! Rescue me, and I promise you sensations of the flesh never before dreamed of by god or man!

The hunchbacked elf gives a weak smile and says, ‘Don’t listen to the little woman.’ He whacks her in the head with a long stick, and she falls silent. ‘You know how they can get, once the honeymoon’s over. Truth be told, she’s lost her looks a little since the day we wed…’

Merrole will absolutely refuse to release his bride from her chains, or to remove the sack from her head (if the characters specifically look for it, they will see she is not wearing any sort of wedding band). He is, in truth, a little befuddled; he will try his best to escape from the characters, and disappear into the crowds of the bazaar. His wife, for her part, is too afraid to speak again for the time being.

If the characters insist on removing the sackcloth from the woman’s head, read out the following: –

You take the sack from the woman’s head. Perhaps you expect a winsome fay being; instead, you find only the serpentine hair and the glistening fangs of a gorgon. With a fearsome hiss, she turns her gaze upon you, and you try to twist your face away from hers before you meet her deadly eyes.

The gorgon’s statistics may be found on page 152 of the Fabled Lands Roleplaying Game. Merrole, if alive and conscious, will run for his life at this point. Characters might be well advised to follow him. If they can survive for a minute or so, Trau warriors – who are immune to the gorgon’s gaze – will appear, and subdue her.

MERROLE: Charisma 2; Combat 3; Intelligence 5; Magic 3; Muscle 3; Sanctity 1; Scouting 4; Thievery 4; Defence 8; Stamina 9.

A Ratman with a Gaming Wheel

You spot a little ratman spinning an enormous gaming wheel. Several lit candles are dotted about the wheel, transforming its surface into a greal whorl of flame each time the ratman spins it. When he sees you nearby he calls out, in an oddly articulate manner, ‘Humans! Excellent! Tell me, big ones, what would you prefer to wager – a part of your wealth, or a sliver of your very soul?’

Charles is not a ‘real’ ratman, but rather a human nobleman who managed to curse himself into a ratman’s body some ten years before. He has travelled widely across Harkuna, avoiding densely populated areas, and at last arriving at the Fay Bazaar some six months ago.

As indicated, characters may wager Shards, Mithrals, items or one Ability point from one of the more ‘mental’ Abilities (Charisma, Intelligence, Magic or Sanctity). Note that each character may only wager an Ability point once – Charles will refuse to accept such wagers a second time.

Characters may bet up to 250 Shards, or 100 Mithrals, or any one item. If characters bet on the wheel, they must roll two dice: –

If they roll 2 to 6, they permanently lose their stake (money, item or Ability point).

If they roll 7 or 8, they lose their stake unless they make another wager, adding this to the first (minimum 100 Shards or 25 Mithrals or one item – or one Ability point if this has not already been wagered).

If they roll 9 to 12, they double their stake – that is, they win back their stake plus the same amount again. Money is doubled; Ability points are permanently increased to one point higher than they were at the beginning of the game. Items are a special case – non-magical and ‘low-level’ items are duplicated. More powerful items are duplicated, but the duplicate does not have the power of the original – special powers or bonuses are deleted or reduced, resulting in the item becoming a ‘+2 item’, or equivalent (Gamesmaster’s discretion).

CHARLES THE FAUX RATMAN: Charisma 2; Combat 4; Intelligence 4; Magic 2; Muscle 2; Sanctity 3; Scouting 5; Thievery 6; Defence 8; Stamina 10.

An Elven Alchemist

This alchemist, Velaeran, is simply a con artist who doesn’t know when to cut and run. He will offer to sell characters potions that will heal wounds (for 50 Shards), or potions that will boost one of a character’s abilities for a whole day (a strength potion, a potion of holiness, etc, each one for 75 Shards). In fact, these potions are a sham. If a character buys a potion, the Gamesmaster should discreetly roll one die (at the moment of purchase, or later) to determine its true effect.

1: The character is paralysed for twenty minutes or so.

2: The character froths at the mouth like a rabid animal for a couple of hours, but there is otherwise no harmful effect.

3: A violent skin rash – the character’s Charisma is reduced by 1 for two days. The rash itches, too.

4: Diarrhoea – the next six hours will not be fun. This character will need to visit the latrine frequently (3 or 4 times an hour) until the effects of the potion wear off.

5: The hair on the character’s head falls out over the next few days. It’ll grow back, at least – and thicker than ever.

6: A miracle! The potion does what it claims to, more or less. Healing potions restore one die worth of Stamina points, Ability potions add one to that ability for the next six hours or so.

Velaeran is also responsible for selling Spirrimeen to the Trau. If the characters have already encountered Velaeran’s Trau customers, they will reappear demanding reimbursement and violent revenge. It is entirely up to the characters’ principles – and common sense – if they wish to aid the con artist.

VELAERAN: Charisma 5; Combat 4; Intelligence 5; Magic 3; Muscle 3; Sanctity 1; Scouting 4; Thievery 8; Defence 8; Stamina 9.

A Pickpocket

At some point during the time in the bazaar, the Gamesmaster should make a Thievery roll for one of the characters (difficulty 11; the Gamesmaster may choose which character makes the roll, or should determine randomly). If the character fails the roll, they’ll discover that all their money has gone missing the next time they try to pay for something.

If the character makes the roll, read out the following: –

You feel the merest brush of fingers against your waist; impulse makes you grab for your money pouch, but it has already gone. You stop, looking about you – and then you spot a yellow-coated leprechaun, your money pouch in its hands, not fifteen feet away from you.

It turns toward you, and spots you glaring at it. ‘Ho, ho!’ it says, and darts between the legs of a Trau, and into the crowd of creatures beyond.

Yellowcoat the leprechaun is tricky to catch. A Scouting roll (difficulty 12) should give a good idea of his trail through the motley crowd of beings milling about the Fay Bazaar. Yellowcoat is not especially dangerous, but can cast the False Image spell at will (Fabled Lands Roleplaying Game, page 41).

If the characters lose track of Yellowcoat, he can often be found at The Seven Pits.

YELLOWCOAT: Charisma 3; Combat 3; Intelligence 3; Magic 4; Muscle 1; Sanctity 1; Scouting 4; Thievery 8; Defence 8; Stamina 8.

Special: May cast ‘False Image’ at will (Fabled Lands RPG page 41)

The Seven Pits

This is a tavern, of sorts – a great circular bar surrounded by benches and tables, all under a vast charcoal-grey canopy. The bar is run by a family of goblins and yet, strangest of all are, of course, the bar’s inhabitants – elves and goblins sip at strange ales; Trau guzzle flagons of faery mead while faery hounds doze at their feet; a drunk, hulking troll makes conversation with anybody who passes nearby; a trio of ogres glare suspiciously at anyone who comes too close.

Characters may order food and drink, of course. There are a long list of beverages that are exotic-sounding (and some cases, unpronouncable by humans) – Clemin’s Desire, Demon Blood, Brewed Iron, Squeezed Gorlock with Fingerbones, etc. If the characters are adventurous enough to try something unknown, roll a die for each character who consumes. If the result is 1 to 5, the drink is pleasant; if 6, the drink reacts badly with this specific character (make a Muscle roll, difficulty 10; failure results in loss of 1 – 6 Stamina). Each one typically costs around four Shards (faery mead is strictly reserved for Trau customers, here).

Characters may also wish to mingle. The Trau are in no mood to chat; failure in a Charisma roll (difficulty 11) will result in the risk of the Trau setting their hounds (one for each character) on the characters (a quick apology and backing off should defuse the situation). The statistics for Faery Hounds may be found in the Fabled Lands Roleplaying Game, page 147)

Ookle the Troll, on the other hand, will all but insist the characters speak with him. He will tell rambling stories of his former life in the mountains of the Spine of Harkun, before he came to work as a general labourer and bodyguard for the goblins that run this establishment. He’ll also cheerfully challenge the strongest-looking character in the group to an arm-wrestling match (make a Muscle roll, difficulty 14). The characters may wager a few Shards on the victory, or can simply be content with the glory of victory.

OOKLE THE TROLL: Charisma 2; Combat 7; Intelligence 3; Magic 1; Muscle 8; Sanctity 2; Scouting 3; Thievery 1; Defence 12; Stamina 16.

The bar’s goblin patrons are also reasonably content to chat with the characters. One of the goblins will challenge the characters to a stone-throwing contest, trying to knock empty flagons off a distant tabletop (make a Combat roll to win, difficulty 12). Characters may wager money (up to 100 Shards or so) or non-magical items on this challenge; winning the contest will double the character’s stake.

The characters’ presence will seem to make the elves uncomfortable. They will finish their drinks, if approached, and will turn to leave. If pressed, one of the elves will mutter something along the lines of, ‘We have to get back to the pavilion of the princess. No good comes from speaking with humans. We’ve been warned.’

If the characters try to speak with the ogres, they will openly insult, intimidate and threaten the characters. The characters may react calmly, or back down, with no further consequences; if they respond in kind to the ogres, a fight will break out (the ogres’ statistics can be found on page 156 of the Fabled Lands Roleplaying Game). They are carrying non-magical axes, leather armour, and 100 Mithrals.

The Goblin Organisation for the Total Annihilation of People (G.O.T.A.P.)

You come across a gathering of twenty or thirty goblins, crowded in a semicircle around a podium. Another goblin stands there, waving his arms, speaking animatedly. You spot a banner behind him displaying the letters G, O, T, A, P, with some smaller writing in the common tongue underneath that you can’t quite make out. You edge a little closer to listen to what he’s saying. ‘Human beings are responsible for all the evils of our beautiful world! Human beings with their heavy-footed ways and their indoor latrines! Well, I say no more! I promise you death to the humans! Death to the humans!’ And as the crowd about him cheers, you make out the wording on the banner at last – the Goblin Organisation for the Total Annihilation of People.

The characters might be wise to back away. If they do anything – anything – to draw attention to themselves, the goblin demagogue will notice them. In this case, read out the following: –

‘There!’ screams the goblin leader, pointing at you. ‘There! Clumsy-footed humans, here among us! Look at their horrible straight backs and their round little chins! Our work begins today, my brothers and sisters! Kill the humans! Kill them now!’

The goblin horde attacks. Individually, the goblins are not dangerous; en masse, they may be more than the characters can handle. If the characters run, ask for Thievery rolls (difficulty 10) to escape into the bazaar crowds. Bear in mind that characters can easily become separated this way.

Characters who fight, or who fail to evade the goblins, are each attacked by 3 – 6 goblins per combat round (roll one die; reroll low results). If the characters manage to survive for six rounds (or less, for low-level characters), the Trau authorities arrive – GOTAP, and particularly its leader, are well-known troublemakers. The Trau will kill a few goblins with some well-placed blows, and the rest will quickly disperse.

GOBLINS: Charisma 1; Combat 2; Intelligence 2; Magic 2; Muscle 2; Sanctity 1; Scouting 4; Thievery 5; Defence 7; Stamina 7.

Mrs Mimkin’s Menagerie

You encounter an old, hunched woman standing in front of a cart loaded with all manner of exotic creatures – glistening blue songbirds in silver cages; chameleons in glass jars that shift from red to blue to green as you watch; gold-coloured serpents wrapped about the carts’ wheels; a dog that meows, and a kitten that moos; a brightly-coloured angelfish that seems to swim suspended in the air, tethered to the cart by a thin golden chain. And there are dozens more wonders still amongst her collection.

The woman herself might be human – but she is so stooped and wrinkled that it’s difficult to be sure. She looks up at you with a toothless smile, and says, ‘Tell me, gentle beings, what creatures might I find for you today amongst Mrs Mimkin’s Menagerie?’

Whatever the characters ask for, Mrs Mimkin will ultimately present three animals for sale – though she loves her collection so much that she’s only willing to part with one. The possibilities: –

The floating angelfish: Mrs Mimkin claims this angelfish offers the gift of charm and beauty to its owner. And it does – it will add +1 to the Charisma of any character, for as long as he openly displays it. This bonus is cumulative with the bonus from any other Charisma-boosting items the character may possess.

A seeking snail: This fist-sized snail can, if allowed to chew on a ‘sample’ of whatever it’s supposed to find (for a person, it might need to chew on a piece of clothing, or another possession of that person), and will then unerringly seek it out. And when chasing a scent the creature is fast, for a snail – only slightly slower than human walking speed. Of course, characters who are not in a rush may simply choose to wait around for the snail to do its work, and then follow the trail it leaves. The snail’s range is quite limited, however – after about a hundred metres or so, it will ‘forget’ what it’s supposed to be tracking.

The golden tortoise: Mrs Mimkin says, ‘If you feed this animal nothing but raw vegetables, it will reward you with gold.’ And it will – the tortoise will excrete nuggets of gold worth 2 – 12 Shards per day. Mrs Mimkin does not disclose, however, that the tortoise is very old (nor that this is the reason she’s happy to let it go). It will only survive another couple of months, once it has been bought.

Whichever animal, if any, the characters choose to buy, the price will be somewhat abstract. Mrs Mimkin has little interest in money – she would far prefer something unique, that only the characters can offer her. This might be a one-of-a-kind item (even one of little value, if she considers it interesting), it might be a well-told story of their adventures so far. It is entirely up to the characters to suggest something she might consider interesting enough to exchange for one of her pets (Gamesmaster’s discretion).

If the characters are truly drawing a blank, Mrs Mimkin will suggest that she take some of their blood, in order to feed her vampire guinea pigs. Taking a silver knife, she will fill a large clay urn with their blood (she will inflict ten points of Stamina damage, which may be shared between characters as they wish).

MRS MIMKIN: Charisma 4; Combat 2; Intelligence 6; Magic 6; Muscle 1; Sanctity 3; Scouting 6; Thievery 5; Defence 8; Stamina 9.

The Goblin Market

This is a sprawling collection of stalls, selling all manner of non-magical items, tools, food and drink, and so on. It is a mishmash affair, being presented on rugs, tables, carts, inside tents, hanging from poles, and so on.

Any of the ‘non-exotic’ weapons from pages 48 and 49 of the Fabled Lands Roleplaying Game can be found at the Goblin Maket (that is, no katanas, naginatas, shuriken or Uttakin longaxes). These items are functional enough, though somewhat grimy and unlooked-after. Leather, Ring mail and Chain mail armour can be bought here – though characters will have to pay 20% extra on top of the armour’s price, and wait around for an hour or two, for the goblin merchants to have it resized to fit a human. Any of the miscellaneous items from page 52 of the Fabled Lands RPG that do not give a bonus to Abilities may also be found here, with a bit of searching.

At some point during the characters’ perusing of goods, they will be approached by a goblin sketch artist. Read out the following: –

Portrait with a couple of zombies, good sirs? Draw a portrait of you with a couple of Nagil’s most fearsome warriors? Present you as a mighty hero, it will. Only forty Shards.

The goblin sketch artist and his assistant are carting around a couple of unkempt zombies tethered to a sort of trundling pole contraption. If any characters are unwise enough to accept the goblin artist’s offer, he will insist that they ‘Stand closer to them! Get closer to the fiends!’ It’s quite clear that this agitates the zombies, of course – and if a character steps within arm’s reach of them, they’ll yank the pole contraption to the ground, and break free, in their eagerness for human flesh.

ZOMBIES (2): Combat 3; Magic 3; Muscle 3; Scouting 1; Thievery 1; Defence 7; Stamina 12.

The Trau Market

Much smaller than the goblin market, the Trau market is comprised of a dozen or so small stalls, discreetly hidden behind silk awnings.

The following may be bought or sold at the Trau market (they will only accept onyx coins called Mithrals, not Shards): –

Armour

Vulcanium Mail (+7 Armour); 1600 Mithrals (to buy), 1000 Mithrals (to sell)

Weapons (Sword, Axe, Quarterstaff etc)

+2 weapons; 600 Mithrals (to buy), 450 Mithrals (to sell)

+3 weapons; 900 Mithrals (to buy), 600 Mithrals (to sell)

+4 weapons; 1200 Mithrals (to buy), 900 Mithrals (to sell)

Glass-bladed dagger; 1200 Mithrals (to buy) – this dagger’s blade is as hard as steel, and never loses its edge, but is otherwise considered a ‘normal’ weapon; note that this item is needed to complete the Merman Inventor’s quest.

Magical Equipment

Cobalt Wand (+3 Magic); 1800 Mithrals (to buy); 1200 Mithrals (to sell)

Selenium Wand (+4 Magic); 2000 Mithrals (to buy); 1333 Mithrals (to sell)

Other Items

Flagon of Faery Mead; 1000 Mithrals (to buy); 900 Mithrals (to sell)

If, at any time the characters are in the Trau market, the characters’ conversation indicates that they are eager to leave the Fay Bazaar, one of the Trau will overhear them and offer to take them with him on his next journey to Haggart’s Corner in Golnir, for a price of 1000 Mithrals (for all characters). The characters may accept if they wish – and this will be a dizzying, terrifying journey through the earth for them if they do. However, if they have not located Emile LeGros and his book, Remokoan will find them sooner or later, and impose his deadly fine…

A Mannekyn Duelist

At some point during the characters’ time at the Bazaar, one of the them experiences the following: –

Out of the darkness of the cavern’s subterranean heights, a blur of blue suddenly comes hurtling towards you. A little blue man rockets towards you, slamming into your chest and knocking you down to the ground. It takes a few seconds to realise it is a Mannekyn, wearing brass-coloured armour.

He scrambles to his feet and draws his longsword – which is, to you, no bigger than a kitchen knife. ‘Open your damn human eyes, can’t you? You’ve dented my armour, and now you’ll pay for its repair with your blood! Single combat, to death or to craven yielding!’

Urion the Mannekyn is entirely at fault for drinking too much faery mead and flying in great spinning circles until he became dizzy. He is also extremely stubborn, and will blame the character he crashed into. The characters have several avenues here – they may try to placate Urion; a Charisma roll (difficulty 13), and some excellent roleplaying, will probably do the job. They may fight him in single combat, or they may fight him altogether.

Also note that at some point – after Urion has been calmed down, or towards the end of the combat, six more Mannekyn warriors will float down from the cavern ceiling, to observe proceedings.

If one of the characters fights Urion in single combat, he will yield when he reaches 4 Stamina points or less. The character may take Urion’s weapon and armour – they are fairly useless for humans, but they can be sold for around 400 Shards, together. Of course, if Urion is winning the combat, he will accept a character’s surrender, and demand the character’s best weapon and piece of armour for his victory.

If Urion is killed after he surrenders, or if he is attacked by several characters, this will anger the Mannekyn newcomers, who will also join the combat.

If the Mannekyn newcomers are not angry, their leader, Mender, will apologise for Urion’s conduct (whatever the outcome of the incident), thank the characters for their humility, and offer them a flagon of faery mead as thanks. If the characters speak with the Mannekyn, they will learn that a small group of Mannekyn have entered the Trau tunnels as guests of the elven princess who resides in the cavern – and yet now that princess is refusing to see visitors, meaning that the Mannekyn have nothing to do but sit around drinking too much faery ale.

URION: Charisma 2; Combat 4; Intelligence 2; Magic 2; Muscle 4; Sanctity 2; Scouting 2; Thievery 1; Defence 9; Stamina 10.

MANNEKYN WARRIORS (6): Charisma 3; Combat 3; Intelligence 3; Magic 3; Muscle 3; Sanctity 2; Scouting 2; Thievery 1; Defence 9; Stamina 8.

Problems with the Authorities

If the characters are overly troublesome in the Bazaar – perhaps because of killing a Gug, perhaps because of excessive brawling or criminal conduct – they will be confronted by the Trau warriors charged with maintaining some semblance of order. Normally, except for the guards at the cavern’s exits, no lawkeeping presence is visible. And yet, when necessary, Trau warriors will come tunneling right out of the ground or the cavern walls. These warriors tend to carry great shadowy halberds, or black-bladed scimitars, and are very competent fighters. More dangerously still, their numbers are more or less unlimited here in the Trau tunnels – should the characters be foolish enough to fight, for each Trau they cut down, two more will come burrowing out from where he falls.

The Trau will only attack the characters in the most extreme cases, of course. For general nuisance-making, the Trau will threaten to expel the characters to the surface of Harkuna – which normally might be no bad thing. And yet if the characters have failed to retreive the Grimoire of Arcus Flounder from Emile LeGros, they will have to face the consequences of the failure of their mission, sooner or later.

Naturally, if the characters are severely wronged in some way by the Bazaar’s inhabitants – by G.O.T.A.P., for example – the Trau warriors may take their side in order to maintain the peace – or at least, a semi-controlled chaos.

TRAU WARRIORS: Charisma 3; Combat 6; Intelligence 4; Magic 6; Muscle 5; Scouting 4; Thievery 3; Defence 10; Stamina 12.

Finding Emile LeGros

Emile LeGros is being held captive inside the pavilion of the elven princess, Tirin’Dael. Asking after Emile by name will yield few results – almost nobody at the Bazaar knows him by name. But if the characters pick up on Remokoan’s earlier mention that Emile LeGros is a human, and ask about other humans seen at the Bazaar, the likelihood of obtaining good information increases.

The characters may obtain three ‘clues’ that indicate that Emile is within the pavilion. These clues may be obtained from several sources – Kleggug the Bard, Mrs Mimkin, Charles the Ratman, Valaeran the ‘Alchemist’ and Ookle the Troll all may all possess one of these clues, if the characters can motivate them to give information.

Clue 1: A tall human male wearing silken red robes, and carrying a couple of strange swords, was seen at the Trau market, trying to buy some sort of spell components.

Clue 2: A figure dressed all in red was seen fighting with Trau warriors as he left The Seven Pits. Unusually, they cast some spell to bind him in black shadows, subduing him.

Clue 3: The elven princess Tirin’Dael has recently paid the Trau warriors that protect the Bazaar a small fortune in Mithrals and faery mead, so that they would turn over one of their prisoners to her.

If the characters have visited The Seven Pits, they may also pick up on the elves’ mention that ‘no good comes from talking with humans’.

The Pavilion of the Elven Princess

The pavilion is a grand, ivory-white tent. Trees surround it at regular intervals – the only trees to be found within the cavern of the Fay Bazaar. A single guard, a tall elven warrior in mother-of-pearl armour, stands some twenty paces before the only entrance to the pavilion. If the characters try to speak with him, read out the following: –

The stately elven sentry doesn’t move, and his eyes barely even flick your way. Then he says, in a lilting voice, ‘No entry. No exceptions.’

It isn’t difficult to creep past the guard – or even simply to walk straight past him; he’ll make no move to stop characters who try to do so. But a powerful magic surrounds the pavilion; entering is not so easy.

As you grow closer to the ivory-covered tent, it seems to slide away from you. It doesn’t cross the ground, exactly – rather, the ground itself, and the rest of the cavern, seems to stretch away from you. You blink, and rub your eyes in amazement. When you open them again, the tent is exactly where it was before – and so are you, standing further away now than when you began.

The elven sentry spots you and says once more, ‘No entry. No exceptions.’

ELVEN SENTRY: Charisma 4; Combat 9; Intelligence 6; Magic 7; Muscle 5; Sanctity 1; Scouting 4; Thievery 8; Defence 12; Stamina 15.

Equipment: +2 Spear, +4 Enchanted Mother-of-Pearl Scale Armour

Part 3: The Princess and the Rogue

Entering the Pavilion

Initially, it will be impossible for characters to enter the pavilion. However, once the characters are reasonably sure that LeGros is inside the pavilion (that is, once the Gamesmaster feels they’ve spent a sufficient amount of time wandering about the Bazaar looking for clues), a couple of ways to gain entry may become apparent.

A Mannekyn Delegation

If the characters have previously encountered Urion the Mannekyn, and parted from Urion and his comrades on amicable terms, you may read out the following: –

You spot a group of Mannekyn fluttering around the elven sentry. They yammer at him animatedly while he stands, impassive. You half-expect him to utter that now-familiar refrain, ‘No entry, no exceptions,’ but instead he says, ‘Her Highness Princess Tirin’Dael regrets that she is unable to receive any visitors at this time. Please come back in a couple of days.’

The Mannekyn flap away from him, frustrated. Then they spot you, and flap over. You recognise Mender, who you spoke with earlier. ‘My friends!’ he says, waving a piece of parchment. ‘What good is an official invitation if they refuse to recognise it? ‘Come back in a couple of days,’ he says. That’s what he said a couple of days ago. And a couple of days before that!’

With some cajoling, the characters may be able to persuade Mender to lend them his invitation – perhaps to speak with Princess Tirin’Dael, to argue to allow the Mannekyn to enter. If Mender lets them use his invitation, they may present it to the elven sentry.

The sentry sees you approaching once more, and for a moment you think you see the slightest trace of a frown cross his face. ‘I have an official invitation from – ‘ you begin.

‘That invitation is intended for the representative of the Mannekyn people of Sky Mountain,’ says the sentry. ‘They may recognise you as a trusted friend; I cannot. I must repeat: no entry.’ He hesitates a moments, and his brows crease, and then he says, ‘Unless… are you anything to do with that other human inside?’

The characters haven’t made it all the way in, but they have a foot in the door. If they can convince the elven sentry that yes, they do know who he is, and they can help resolve any problem he’s created – and so long as they don’t blow everything by making it clear they have no idea what the sentry is talking about – he may let them enter the pavilion.

A Vampire Contrabandist

Another possible means of entering the pavilion. Once the characters have tried to enter, and been frustrated, they may encounter the following: –

‘You seek to enter the princess’s pavilion, no?’

The voice comes from behind you. You turn to see who has spoken – it is a man with white, bloodless skin, wrapped in heavy wolf’s furs. In the cavern’s oppressive heat, he must be practically baking alive – or, there again, perhaps being baked alive is no longer a concern to him.

‘I have a means of getting you into that pavilion,’ he says, and you spot a slight point to his teeth as he smiles. ‘Although, naturally, assistance offered would demand some small assistance in return…’

This vampire, Thorne, possesses a vial of magical powder that will briefly render the characters invisible to elven eyes, and render them immune to the magical effects surrounding the pavilion. They may sneak in as they wish. However, Thorne says he wishes them to retrieve something for him in return – a book, The Grimoire of Arcus Flounder, that the elven princess currently has in her possession. If the characters can retrieve it for him, he will offer to share some small dose of the power it can offer, and even to transport the characters back up to the surface of Harkuna.

Thorne is being quite honest. He is capable of opening the Grimoire, the very book the characters have come to retrieve. If they give it to him, he will cast a spell allowing any Mage characters in the group to cast spells from the Tranmutation lore of magic (Fabled Lands RPG page 45) exactly as if they had learned the lore themselves. This effect is permanent. Then he will cast another spell transporting characters to one of the cities in Sokara.

Of course, he will then depart with the Grimoire himself, and the characters’ mission will be a failure – and the next time that the librarian Remokoan crosses the characters’ paths, he will take his due of one human soul.

Conversely, if the characters accept the vial and then fail to deliver the Grimoire to Thorne, they will have made a long-lasting, and powerful, enemy.

If the characters choose to try to take the vial of magical powder by force, or if they offer him the Grimoire of Arcus Flounder and then try to renege on their deal, Thorne is quite capable of defending himself.

THORNE THE VAMPIRE: Charisma 5; Combat 8; Intelligence 6; Magic 7; Muscle 6; Sanctity 0; Scouting 4; Thievery 5; Defence 13; Stamina 21.

Special Powers: Thorne possesses all of the powers and limitations of a ‘classic’ vampire (Fabled Lands RPG, page 159)

Inside the Pavilion

However the characters manage to enter the pavilion, you may read out the following once they are inside.

Stepping through the entrance flap to the princess’s pavilion is like stepping into another world. It is like a rainforest inside – thick trees reach up into a red sky; creepers hang down all about you and insects and animals skitter and creak all around. The pavilion is far greater within than without – you have to glance back over your shoulder just to make sure you really are still inside the Fay Bazaar.

Some of the encounters with faery beings so far have been light-hearted. Now the characters are truly entering a dangerous realm, the home of the disease-maddened Princess Tirin’Dael.

As the characters venture into the pavilion’s interior, they soon come across the following: –

You hear a thin, reedy voice from amidst the trees ahead. ‘Help me, help me!’ Going closer, you see a one-armed goblin tangled in thorny bushes. ‘Oh, human beings! Please help me, beautiful creatures. Are you friends of Master Emile’s?’

The characters may try to liberate Mog the goblin, though the bushes are almost alive, and try their best to grab onto him (characters helping must make a Muscle roll, difficulty 10; failure results in 1 – 6 Stamina damage from scratches as Mog is freed).

Mog is Emile LeGros’s assistant, and he can provide much of the backstory for the present situation. Emile LeGros is a human trader who, by accident, stumbled upon a way into the Trau tunnels some years before. He found it profitable to deal with the denizens of the Fay Bazaar – but, fearing the magical powers of the faery folk, he preferred to work through intermediaries such as Mog (all the others have already fled, following the arrest of LeGros).

The elven princess Tirin’Dael was given to exploring the Bazaar in disguise, and encountered LeGros purely by chance. The two fell in love, and a passionate affair began. But when LeGros found the princess’s attentions stifling, and tried to leave her, she cursed him so that he could never leave the Bazaar. He had borrowed The Grimoire of Arcus Flounder from The Library of the End of Days long before; he believed that if he could reopen it, he would be able to find one spell that would break the princess’s curse, and another that could cause her to stop loving him. And he did reopen the book, even managing to circumvent the enchantment that would normally return him to the library. But when Tirin’Dael rescued Emile from imprisonment by the Bazaar’s Trau warriors, and brought him to her side, he learned that his spell to repel her love had been miscast – rather than breaking her love for him, it struck Tirin’Dael with a horrific transformation disease. Now she refuses to let anybody near her, for fear that they will see the repulsive monster she has become.

Once he has explained his story, Mog will run for the exit from the jungle-pavilion.

MOG THE ONE-ARMED GOBLIN: Charisma 1; Combat 2; Intelligence 2; Magic 2; Muscle 2; Sanctity 1; Scouting 4; Thievery 5; Defence 6; Stamina 7

Stalked by Stalks

Presuming the characters press on deeper into the jungle-pavilion, read out the following: –

A warm, clinging rain begins to fall on you as you hack your way through the vines and creepers all around you, and you wonder what effect, if any, this tropical downpour will have on the cavern surrounding the pavilion. Tired, you pause a moment in your efforts – and in this sudden silence, you hear the creaking and shifting of something large, dead ahead of you. You glimpse something bulky, dark green in colour – but it disappears into the foliage before you can see what it is, exactly.

And then, you hear that same creaking and shifting right behind you, as well.

In her delerium, Tirin’Dael has conjured guardian beings from the enchanted foliage inside the pavilion. A pack of Stem Dogs is stalking the characters through the undergrowth (there are two more Stem Dogs than there are characters).

The Stem Dogs appear to be great hounds created from pure foliage; the core of their bodies, their legs and their jaws have much the same consistency as thick plant stems.

Characters who attack the Stem Dogs head on, or who wait for the dogs to come to them, should find it a challenging battle (some adjustment of the Stem Dogs’ statistics may be necessary). The characters may prefer to use a clear strategy for the battle they know is coming – a good Scouting roll might allow them to guide the Stem Dogs into an ambush, perhaps limiting how many Dogs may attack at any one time. Fire is an especially effective weapon against the Stem Dogs as well – although burning Dogs will almost certainly spread the flames to the surrounding foliage, endangering the characters’ lives and angering Tirin’Dael, when at last they meet her. The Gamesmaster should reward imaginative thinking on the part of the players, here.

STEM DOGS: Charisma 1; Combat 8; Intelligence 3; Magic 5; Muscle 5; Sanctity 1; Scouting 9; Thievery 4; Defence 9; Stamina 13

Special: Stem Dogs take double damage from any fire-based attacks. Stem Dogs regenerate 1 Stamina point per turn; a favourite tactic of a badly wounded Stem Dog is to evade into the surrounding foliage, and hide for several turns – Stem Dogs hidden in such a way require a Scouting roll (difficulty 14) to locate.

The Maddened Heart of the Jungle

You reach what you judge to be the heart of this deranged jungle. And yet here, you find its most curious denizen of all. At the centre of a great clearing stands an immense evergreen tree – and yet, bizarrely, the tree bears the characteristics of a young woman, as well; you spot an smooth, angular face amongst its bark; its branches seem almost to be fingertips and its great green canopy sways like hair in water.

Before the tree, a blond man lies tethered, his arms and legs wrapped in roots and brambles that grow right out of the ground. This is Emile LeGros, you guess, clothed in shredded red robes.

The face within the tree speaks, with a voice like a great, booming bassoon. ‘I am Tirin’Dael, princess of these parts. If you have come to slay this hateful creature, do so with my blessing. If you bring more sicknesses of the blood, leave now while you still have legs to carry you.’

The man, LeGros, calls out, ‘Don’t listen to the mad witch! Some sorcerous ailment has turned her mind just as it has transformed her body. Free me from her grasp, and I’ll reward you with all I have.’

‘Silence!’ booms the tree, and a thick creeper bursts from the ground, and wraps around the man’s mouth.

Dialogue will likely prove more productive than weapons and spells, here. A backpack, and a couple of rusted-looking rapiers, lie on the floor beside Emile. The Grimoire of Arcus Flounder is in Emile’s backpack, of course – if the characters can so much as lay their hands on it, they can open it, and it will transport them to the Library of the End of Days, much as they were transported at the beginning of the adventure. However, if the characters openly express interest in the backpack, or its contents, Tirin’Dael will scoop it up off the ground, and hold it aloft in her upper branches (if characters used Thorne’s vial of powder to arrive, incidentally, its effects have by now long since worn off).

More callous characters may offer to slay LeGros, in exchange for his possessions. And Tirin’Dael will allow them to do so – though a sudden burst of fury at seeing the death of her once-lover will cause the entire jungle to explode into flames around them; characters must use the Grimoire to flee at once, or find some way of surviving the deadly flames all about them.

If the characters can convince Tirin’Dael to allow Emile to speak, he may offer more enlightenment as to Tirin’Dael’s problems. Emile previously cast a spell to make his blood repellent to Tirin’Dael; It is the nearness of this blood that has turned her mind (in truth, the spell has done nothing to transform her – it has simply caused her to lose control of her considerable talents of transformation and illusion; neither Emile nor Tirin’Dael are aware of this fact, however). If the characters can persuade Tirin’Dael to let Emile leave, she will gradually return to normal. Emile has already presented this case to Tirin’Dael, however, but she is convinced he is lying. The characters will need to be especially persuasive to convince Tirin’Dael to let go of her jealousy, and allow Emile to depart.

A Remove Disease spell (Fabled Lands RPG page 40) might cure Tirin’Dael – although the casting difficulty would be higher than normal, given the potency of this magical ailment (Magic roll difficulty 15). However, if Emile is not removed from the princess’s presence (or killed), she will quickly become sick once more. Similarly, a Priest of Maka might cure Tirin’Dael’s sickness (Sanctity roll, difficulty 15). If cured in this way, Tirin’Dael will instantly revert to her normal form of a startlingly beautiful elven maiden – though if the characters linger more than a few minutes, they may already begin to see traces of disease and discolouration mar her lovely features.

The characters may come up with other means of curing Tirin’Dael’s disease-born madness – within the scope of this adventure or beyond. If they can do so – and such a cure may entail a long journey elsewhere, and a return to the Fay Bazaar – Tirin’Dael will gratefully offer to give them the Grimoire of Arcus Flounder or to hand over Emile LeGros into their custody. She will not offer both. This choice of reward is left intentionally ambiguous – characters may feel that rescuing Emile is the ‘right’ thing to do, and yet doing so will result in the failure of their mission to retrieve the book. And when they eventually encounter Remokoan once again, he will once more demand one human soul as payment of his fine.

More gung-ho characters may choose to attack Tirin’Dael for the book, though this is a dangerous course of action. If she is killed the jungle will explode into flames, as described above – and if the characters are foolish enough to re-enter the Fay Bazaar, any elf there will strive to kill the characters in retribution.

If the characters rescue Emile, he will hand over the Grimoire by way of thanks (if he has it), but will then want to go his own way. If characters try to constrain him, or to ‘hand him over to the authorities’ (at the Library of the End of Days, or elsewhere), he will fight to protect his own freedom.

If the characters manage to obtain the Grimoire of Arcus Flounder, they will presumably open it, and it will return them to the Library at the End of Days (see Part 4: A Reward).

TIRIN’DAEL (TREE FORM): Charisma 4; Combat 8; Intelligence 9; Magic 9; Muscle 8; Sanctity 1; Scouting 6; Thievery 4; Defence 13; Stamina 26

Special: Each turn, Tirin’Dael may fight all characters who are attacking her simultaneously (her number of attacks per turn equals the number of people who are fighting her). She is rooted to the ground, and cannot move from her position (although she can see and fight in a 360 degree arc). Rather than fighting in hand-to-branch combat, Tirin’Dael may instead cast the Arcane Blast spell once per turn (Fabled Lands RPG page 34) – she prefers this tactic if characters remain at range.

EMILE LEGROS: Charisma 6; Combat 8 (6 without rapiers); Intelligence 4; Magic 6; Muscle 5; Sanctity 2; Scouting 3; Thievery 5; Defence 10; Stamina 12

Special: Emile’s twin rapiers are +2 weapons. Once per combat, they allow him to create 1 to 6 ‘copies’ of himself, each with the same characteristics as the original (initial Stamina is 12 for each copy, even if Emile is wounded). Characters who kill Emile, or who deprive him of his rapiers before hand may also use this power – when the rapiers are used together by one character, he may create 1 to 6 copies of himself once per combat. However, he must also roll two dice – on a roll of 8 to 12, the rapiers crumble to useless, rust-coloured dust at the end of the combat.

Equipment: Twin rapiers (see above); 224 Shards, 180 Mithrals; Potion of Healing; Potion of Sorcery

Part 4: A Reward

Thick mists pour from Emile’s book as you open it. When they clear, you are standing once more in the library’s reception area. The half-man, half-lion Remokoan, still seated at his desk, glances up from a book he is reading, and stares at you over the top of his little round glasses. ‘Well?’ he says.

With the return of the Grimoire of Arcus Flounder, Remokoan waives any fine he feels that the characters owe. The characters may argue that they deserve a greater reward. If they do (no roll necessary; some good roleplaying will suffice), Remokoan will offer them a special boon – he will create for them a copy of any book that exists, of the characters’ choice. It is entirely up to the characters to decide which book they would like (though they may not yet realise it, Remokoan is capable of duplicating not just any book that exists, but any book that has ever existed, or will ever exist). With sufficient imagination, the characters may choose a book that will alter their lives quite profoundly.

If the characters have difficulty choosing a book, or if they take too long deciding, Remokoan will suggest that they go away and think further on the subject. Somewhat ominously, he assures the characters he will see them again before too long; he’ll give them their book then.

Once the characters’ business is concluded here, Remokoan will cast a spell to return them to where they were before this whole adventure began. Or, if the Gamesmaster prefers, to somewhere entirely different… 

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Image stolen from http://lonadeanna.blogspot.com. Used without permission.

The Hourglass Nebula. "They looked through the cosmos with the Hubble telescope, and it seemed the eye of God looked back."

I’ve swapped a couple of emails this week with artist extraordinaire Russ Nicholson. Russ’s CV is expansive and impressive; most notably from my point of view, he’s illustrated two of the all-time best ever gamebook series, Blood Sword and Fabled Lands (both by Dave Morris and Jamie Thomson), as well as a whole bunch of other stuff (including, somewhat iconically, The Warlock of Firetop Mountain). If you’re reading my blog, you likely know who Russ is already. So here endeth the bigging-up.

Amongst other things, Russ gave me a few tips about blogging. Here I copy and paste: -

Blogs? Trust me, as someone who is not a writer, even with stuff to post, are time consuming … though some seem to find the time to post nearly daily [lol] … in my case slow typing doesn’t help and do not get me started on adding pictures …..!!!!!

(…)

PS … one blog suggestion if I may … add a couple of pictures; it will enhance your thoughtful content.

Right now, this sounds like an excellent suggestion, as I’ve had no time to write anything bloggy this week. I have suffered from insomnia every night this week, however, and while I’m rarely capable of writing anything in this state, it has at least given me time to mess around with some more proto-covers for Netherman.

A few words of backstory: I’m listening to a lot of Pearl Jam at the moment, and during a bored moment of Wikipedia-ing, I came across a mention that the image on the cover of their sixth album Binaural is a (slightly modified) image from the Hubble telescope, of the Hourglass Nebula. So I scooted over to the Hubble website. And my first time there, I spent maybe two hours flicking through the absolutely stupendous images of celestial bodies throughout the universe.

And so, emulating Pearl Jam, I mocked up a few book covers using Hubble images. They were all awful – oh, they were beautiful, without a doubt. And if I’d written a sci-fi or horror novel, I think I could have used them. But I haven’t, and so they weren’t appropriate.

The images are magnificent nonetheless. And so, following Russ’s advice, here’s a bunch of pictures.

A stellar nursery. A star is born.

A pillar in the Eagle Nebula.

Saturn, in the visible light spectrum. Awesome. To the max.

Gases in the Omega Nebula.

'Holmes, what is it?' bellowed Watson.

The term ‘enhanced ebook’ has lately been ricocheting around culture-themed news pages like a golden bullet fired inside an eighteenth-century church tower. This is largely due to stories such as the enhanced ebook release of ‘The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Speckled Band’. If you’ve nonetheless missed this story – and if you’re too lazy to click on the link in the previous sentence – an enhanced ebook is essentially an electronic book that includes sound effects as you’re reading. So, if as you’re reading you can’t quite imagine the sound of a hansom carriage rattling through the streets of Victorian London, the book will create this effect for you. If you really don’t know what a golden bullet sounds like as it rebounds from an eighteenth-century church bell, an enhanced ebook will cheerfully plug this hole in your aural repertoire, perhaps accompanied by a whispered reminder that this sound is merely a simile, and not to be taken as a literal component of the text in question.

I think this is a fantastic idea. Centuries of literature have proven that reading without sound effects is simply too difficult. Early editions of Defoe’s ‘Robinson Crusoe’ were wildly unpopular, and the book only gained ‘classic’ status once later editions carried recommendations that it should be read on a windy beach, in order to generate the appropriate ambiance. In the sixteenth century, Queen Elizabeth I absolutely refused to read any text that had not first been submitted to a fifty-strong troupe of musicians, percussionists and mimics; they would perform behind Elizabeth’s back, receiving their cues from a senior court advisor titled The Grand Lector, who would surreptitiously read over the monarch’s shoulder.

Now technology has at last liberated the common man from the burden of imagining noises – presumably enabling the common man to imagine more captivating subject matter, such as what flavour of Pringles he might buy when he goes to the shops, or the unclothed form of his co-workers’ buttocks, or which luxury goods shops he should loot the next time there’s a really good riot.

Wonderful as this new technology is, I still feel it doesn’t fully exploit the possibilities the enhanced ebook can offer. I mean, I still have to concentrate a little as I’m reading. And so, some other proposals that future enhanced ebooks might be able to incorporate: –

– Releasing a Sherlock Holmes story as the first ever enhanced ebook seems a shrewd choice; on a Venn diagram showing fans of nineteenth-century literature and fans of cutting-edge technology, the overlap would be enormous. But by focusing on Victorian works, an opportunity has been missed. Let’s work through the world’s entire body of fiction, starting at the very beginning – Defoe might be a good warmup, but those are only the world’s first novels. No, we should start with the world’s first ever real literature – let’s go back to the Summerians, and the Epic of Gilgamesh. True, only scholars and academic bods read that stuff anyway – but then, these people read a lot more than the man on the street, and are probably getting a bit bored with doing it the same old way.

– The Telegraph claims that enhanced ebooks offer movie-quality sound. But on ebook readers designed to do little more than read out text for the hard of hearing in a toneless robotic voice (a little like a bored Twiki, from Buck Rogers), this seems doubtful. Future ebook readers should be able to link up with your home Dolby Digital cinema system, for enhanced enhanced ebook audio pleasure. For those who absolutely insist on reading outside the home, future ebook readers should come equipped with eighteen-inch woofers. At an absolute minimum. Just in case readers should want to read ‘Return of the King’, or even Edgar Allen Poe’s ‘The Tell-Tale Heart’. Apple will hopefully also move to similarly accommodate iPad enhanced ebook readers (the iBass leaps to mind).

– The verb ‘Read’, being obsolete, should be removed from the English language. The verb ‘Risten’ will be used in future dictionaries and edictionaries. Being unique and unprecedented, this word will not appear in any thesaurus or ethesaurus.

– The price of enhanced ebooks should be approximately 5000% more than their pedestrian ebook counterparts. Such a price hike will allow a staff of sixty to provide a sufficient level of quality for future enhanced ebooks. The inclusion of management committees and ‘money men’ into the writing process will guarantee a degree of quality for future novels – a single visionary writer working alone is prone to error.

– Nuance and ambivalence can be difficult to understand in novels. Enhanced ebooks should include audio ‘emotion cues’ that inform a reader of the author’s exact intentions – as well as the re-emergence of ‘canned laughter’ so prevalent in TV sitcoms of the 80s and 90s, enhanced ebooks will also play ‘canned anguish’, ‘canned sexual tension’, ‘canned frustration’, ‘canned sexual frustration’ and ‘canned agony’ at appropriate moments.

– Themes and overriding story arcs can also be tricky to understand. As a simple statement of identifiable themes is not sufficiently ‘enhanced’, enhanced ebooks will permit an instant video interface with a book’s author so that the reader (or rather, ristener) can pose any questions directly. The author of any enhanced ebook will be expected to be on call to field questions from any reader at any time. Forever. Fans of classic literature will sadly have to be content with demanding answers from PhD-holding literary professors and biographers.

– Places can sometimes be difficult to visualise, and so enhanced ebooks should simply provide a picture of any significant locale. Readers of Wuthering Heights can rarely fully appreciate the ambiance of the blustery moors; risteners of eWuthering-Heights will experience bleakness and desolation in eye-blistering quality.

– Faces are similarly hard to picture. Characters in all future enhanced ebooks will be represented by the same twelve Hollywood A-listers. The text of enhanced ebooks will be lightly edited to remove all old or visually unappealing characters. For example, at the beginning of ‘Bleak House’, Esther will be portrayed by Jessica Alba. Following her recovery from a disfiguring ailment, Esther will be portrayed by Jessica Alba wearing a pair of unfashionable glasses.

– Narrative flow and imaginative wordplay are merely a distraction from the beauty of the enhanced ebook. All future stories will simply be acted out by the above-mentioned A-listers, circumventing all that irritating wordage completely. 

Commander Basildon Bond. One of many bad parodies.

A micro-post only, today; my summer holiday is eating into much of my time.

I’m currently staying with family in Chester. I’d hoped to write a few words about the great literary contributions that have come out of Chester over the years. But there are none. Chester is a word-dry town. One exception: Anthony Thwaite, poet and writer, and one of Philip Larkin’s editors. I’ve never heard of him.

But Chester has James Bond. Or rather, Daniel Craig. 007 is Chester’s most famous son. At least, he was born here. And – my God – I’m proud that I was too.

Roger Moore wasn’t born here, but he did move here. During the Blitz – Chester wasn’t a huge German target, and The young Saint had relatives nearby. Moore’s Wikipedia page doesn’t mention any stint in Chester, but my grandmother does – and though she can barely remember her children’s names, she’s razor-sharp when it comes to anything war-related. Grandma says that Moore owned The Boat House, a pub on the River Dee, for a while. A few smaller sites back up my grandma, in fact; certainly, Moore has signed Chester’s ‘Save the Odeon Cinema’ petition.

And Chester also has Russ Abbot. Madcap, soon-to-be-dead actor-slash-comic-slash singer Russ Abbot was born in my own home town. Ah, the 80s, when mediocre comedy set the bar.